Aur teri kab ho rahi hai?

That’s the most common topic of discussion among people of my age. Yes, I’m talking about matchmaking, inspired by the endless flood of engagement/marriage/honeymoon photos nowadays posted on Facebook.

The presence of Facebook has made the celebrations more enthralling for the couple and the friends of the couple. Every day you login into Facebook and see updated Relationship Statuses… “xxx in a relationship with xxx”… “xxx married to yyy”.  Of course, there are those who swing the other way, from “in a relationship to single”. Marriages happen, and newly-wed head for honeymoon. In the meantime, friends go right ahead and upload the marriage pics for everyone to see. “OH MY GOSH, iski bhi ho gayi,” gasp the still-unmarried. As soon as the couple returns from the worlds of Mauritius, Tahiti, Swizz, and Venice they are eager to showcase their KJ romance to the whole world and add more pics to the flood.

Marriage is probably the biggest milestone of our lives and indeed the biggest decision. While arranged marriage is an age-old custom in India and is sought for the joining of two families and the compromises, and blah blah…., love marriages would start with love, would take the couple no time to adjust after marriage (I suppose), eliminate dowry, and permit marrying other castes while family sometimes takes a back seat.

Indeed arranged marriages are not all that simple. It starts with a girl or a boy establishing a feeling of marriageableness within him(her)self that “yes now I am ready for the marriage”.  After (or very often before!) a boy or girl is ready for marriage, a close relative either suggests a rishta or profiles are posted in newspaper matrimonials or marriage sites like shaadi.com/bharatmatrimony.com. The swayamvar starts. Bios are exchanged, Kundalis are matched by family pandits, and the parents meet. Meanwhile the bechara/i bachelor/ette keeps wondering who would be the one. The bachelor/ette reviews the information/available photographs with input from family and friends, and shortlists a few for in-person meetings. In initial days, the biggest question centres on looks and appearances… also, on when to draw the line and stop looking. And then: how well is she/he earning and in what profession, would she/he fit in my family well/mix with friends well, did she/he have a relationship before, what are the hobbies, would the compromise work well for next 40-60 years (…that’s huge), questions on family reputation, food preferences (non-veg/drinks) and the list goes on and on. Interestingly, this line (the thought of where to draw a line) gets faded as time passes by.

  Now, if everything goes well, 1) Kundli matches, 2) Families are good to proceed, 3) Boy and girl are comfortable and find a “Click” after n-number of meetings, then every ones happy and marriages happen. And after all this, the feeling of rejection (if that happens) is not obviously great, and more so when friends say “tune hamare group ke naak kata di”.  The right thing then would be to move on…

I myself am in the phase when a girl is being sought out for me. I have had two “arranged dates” till now, but alas!!! I would like to share the experience of one of these.

  We were supposed to meet at Phoenix mall – one of Mumbai’s most happening malls – located in Lower Parel, Mumbai. The mall has a big open air food court – a nice hangout for couples. While she was coming from the hospital (she was doing her medical post-graduation), I went straight from the office. I reached on time but was made to wait for our very first date (not that I minded much). While I was waiting amid the mild breeze in the food court, I was scanning through the couples around. After a wait of 30 minutes, my phone rang and she arrived at the entrance of the mall. I asked her to come by the food arena and didn’t intentionally tell her my exact location. As she arrived I watched her from a distance before stepping up to meet her. She was wearing black casuals, while I was in office formals, and looked better than her matrimonial Bio photo. We went straight to one of the eating joints “Moshes”. I went prepared, inspired by a youtube video on arranged marriage that I had decided to tell her about.

The conversation goes:

Boy: So how do we start??

Girl: I ask you a question, you respond. You ask me a question, I respond. And since this is not a “Let me impress you on first date” we would be fairly honest with each other

Boy: Ok, that sounds fine

Girl: …and since we don’t have forever, we should limit ourselves to 20 questions each.

So with that funny, text-book start to the conversation, we began our date. We exchanged several questions... and 2 times she asked in between that if my 20 questions were done. She was very fond of dancing (like me), not very fond of books (like me), didn’t quite know to cook and just liked making interesting cuisines occasionally (I only know/like making chai/porridge/Maggi). Quite a match … huhhh !!! We had good food. The date went well and ended after 2:30-3 hrs till 11 in night. We had a final good-bye ice cream at Naturals and I dropped her home. Anyway, the rishta didn’t turn out well for some non-disclosable reasons.

This was a short chronicle detailing my adventures in relation to marriage till now. I somehow still believe the cliché that “Marriages are made in heaven” and that one would indeed find rab in someone someday. Well, I must say it has been an interesting adventure so far.

The Arranged Marriage Video link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8X97OL06OY