That’s the most common topic of discussion among people of
my age. Yes, I’m talking about matchmaking, inspired by the endless flood of
engagement/marriage/honeymoon photos nowadays posted on Facebook.
The presence of Facebook has made the celebrations more
enthralling for the couple and the friends of the couple. Every day you login
into Facebook and see updated Relationship Statuses… “xxx in a relationship
with xxx”… “xxx married to yyy”. Of
course, there are those who swing the other way, from “in a relationship to
single”. Marriages happen, and newly-wed head for honeymoon. In the meantime,
friends go right ahead and upload the marriage pics for everyone to see. “OH MY
GOSH, iski bhi ho gayi,” gasp the still-unmarried. As soon as the couple
returns from the worlds of Mauritius ,
Tahiti, Swizz, and Venice
they are eager to showcase their KJ romance to the whole world and add more
pics to the flood.
Marriage is probably the biggest milestone of our lives and
indeed the biggest decision. While arranged marriage is an age-old custom in India and is
sought for the joining of two families and the compromises, and blah blah….,
love marriages would start with love, would take the couple no time to adjust
after marriage (I suppose), eliminate dowry, and permit marrying other castes
while family sometimes takes a back seat.
Indeed arranged marriages are not all that simple. It starts
with a girl or a boy establishing a feeling of marriageableness within
him(her)self that “yes now I am ready for the marriage”. After (or very often before!) a boy or girl
is ready for marriage, a close relative either suggests a rishta or profiles
are posted in newspaper matrimonials or marriage sites like
shaadi.com/bharatmatrimony.com. The swayamvar starts. Bios are exchanged, Kundalis are matched by family pandits, and the parents meet. Meanwhile
the bechara/i bachelor/ette keeps
wondering who would be the one. The bachelor/ette reviews the
information/available photographs with input from family and friends, and
shortlists a few for in-person meetings. In initial days, the biggest question
centres on looks and appearances… also, on when to draw the line and stop
looking. And then: how well is she/he earning and in what profession, would
she/he fit in my family well/mix with friends well, did she/he have a
relationship before, what are the hobbies, would the compromise work well for
next 40-60 years (…that’s huge), questions on family reputation, food
preferences (non-veg/drinks) and the list goes on and on. Interestingly, this
line (the thought of where to draw a line) gets faded as time passes by.
Now, if everything
goes well, 1) Kundli matches, 2) Families are good to proceed, 3) Boy and girl
are comfortable and find a “Click” after n-number of meetings, then every ones
happy and marriages happen. And after all this, the feeling of rejection (if
that happens) is not obviously great, and more so when friends say “tune hamare
group ke naak kata di”. The right thing
then would be to move on…
I myself am in the phase when a girl is being sought out for
me. I have had two “arranged dates” till now, but alas!!! I would like to share
the experience of one of these.
We were supposed to
meet at Phoenix mall – one of Mumbai’s most
happening malls – located in Lower Parel ,
Mumbai. The mall has a big open air food court – a nice hangout for couples.
While she was coming from the hospital (she was doing her medical
post-graduation), I went straight from the office. I reached on time but was
made to wait for our very first date (not that I minded much). While I was
waiting amid the mild breeze in the food court, I was scanning through the
couples around. After a wait of 30 minutes, my phone rang and she arrived at
the entrance of the mall. I asked her to come by the food arena and didn’t intentionally
tell her my exact location. As she arrived I watched her from a distance before
stepping up to meet her. She was wearing black casuals, while I was in office
formals, and looked better than her matrimonial Bio photo. We went straight to
one of the eating joints “Moshes”. I went prepared, inspired by a youtube video
on arranged marriage that I had decided to tell her about.
The conversation goes:
Boy: So how do we start??
Girl: I ask you a question, you respond. You ask me a
question, I respond. And since this is not a “Let me impress you on first date”
we would be fairly honest with each other
Boy: Ok, that sounds fine
Girl: …and since we don’t have forever, we should limit
ourselves to 20 questions each.
So with that funny, text-book start to the conversation, we
began our date. We exchanged several questions... and 2 times she asked in
between that if my 20 questions were done. She was very fond of dancing (like
me), not very fond of books (like me), didn’t quite know to cook and just liked
making interesting cuisines occasionally (I only know/like making
chai/porridge/Maggi). Quite a match … huhhh !!! We had good food. The date went
well and ended after 2:30-3 hrs till 11 in night. We had a final good-bye ice
cream at Naturals and I dropped her home. Anyway, the rishta didn’t turn out
well for some non-disclosable reasons.
This was a short chronicle detailing my adventures in
relation to marriage till now. I somehow still believe the cliché that
“Marriages are made in heaven” and that one would indeed find rab in someone
someday. Well, I must say it has been an interesting adventure so far.
The Arranged Marriage Video link:
